I was trying to figure out which blog this topic should go under, and decided that it fell more so into the “parental/family” category, so here goes!
Over the past weekend, we unfortunately missed at least two pretty important celebrations of life events for some of our closest friends (and Thankfully they are the type of people who understood the reasoning for our absence, and they’re ok…Everybody isn’t though). These were occasions that we were actually invited to, RSVPd for, and expected to attend. Then a little thing called LIFE happened, and our fun-filled weekend was replaced with a killer sinus headache, an exhausted Mommy, a sneezing/stuffy Daddy, trying to get a car battery replaced, a coloring book marathon with my 4-year old, and a massive poop explosion from the 11-month old tyrant! So…in all things typical of a writer, I decided to turn this experience into a special FYI for the world to be informed about. It is necessary and we’re probably not the only family that needs to share this “heart-felt” disclaimer! 😉
Here it is! 6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won’t Make Your Event, and Why We Don’t Want You to Take it Personal…
- We have KIDS!!! I know. I know. This one is too easy and a lot of people are tired of hearing it. However, I feel like most Need to! Especially those who do Not have kids. While we still love you, we also need you to know that you have NO idea the strange ish that randomly occurs in a household with children. A temperature that’s 2 degrees over the norm, or a baby whining because of a missed nap can drastically curve Mommy and Daddy’s care about meeting up for drinks and chatter!
- We are TIRED!!! Like, not normal tired. The type of unbearable exhaustion where you fall asleep on the toilet and sneakily nod off while your child is reading “Corduroy” to you for the 678,467th time today!! Please understand that all of that Great intention we had to make it to your housewarming just got flushed down the toilet as Soon as we sat down in one spot!
- We DON’T HAVE A BABYSITTER!!! Contrary to popular belief and practices, there are seriously only like two people in the Entire Universe, outside of ourselves, that we will allow to keep our children! Yes, we continuously crack jokes about how people can “come and get them” but ummmm, not so much! If those two individuals aren’t available, we will All stay at home! Period. There is NO outing serious enough to hound somebody to watch our children, or sacrifice their safety Just to say we attended the hottest night out of the year. Fail! That’s why we both went to college and had a whole lot of fun and got that all out of our systems! We don’t feel guilty or as if we’re missing out on anything. Sorry, but Not sorry.
- If ONE of us can’t attend, nine times out of ten NEITHER of us will attend!!! This is a hard one for people to understand, and we’ve lost friendships over the concept. We are Married. We are not pals, boyfriend & girlfriend, or side buddies. We are a union. A team. We make our appearances together in the situations that call for it. This isn’t really negotiable. If hubby is sick and shut in, so am I, and vice-versa. Of course this doesn’t apply to the token Girl’s or Guy’s Night Out. We respect each other’s individualized socialization. I’m referring to the things we are Both hoped to be in attendance for. This also applies to situations where one spouse may think/know that the crowd at a certain event is questionable. Again, nothing personal against You, but we choose not to put ourselves in awkward or obviously drama-filled situations when we don’t have to!
- We actually DO have a FINANCIAL BUDGET and PRIORITIES!!! Not to rain on the parade of your $100/meal dinner party, but this week’s automatic tuition debiting from the Chase account, and the Costco diaper/wipe stock-up will probably hold a higher level of importance for us. I can cook you a fabulous meal, serve you a wonderful glass of wine, play some classic jazz tunes, and indulge you in the ambiance of my Own darn home! All for under $200. We still Love You though! 🙂
- WE JUST DON’T WANT TO GO!!! Yep, it sounds rude as hell, a bit pretentious, and will probably cause our invites to dwindle in the near future, but it’s Honest. The very few times that we actually get alone, we just want to enjoy each other! We still DO enjoy each other and we aren’t going to apologize for that. Sometimes we even just want to be left alone as a family with our boys and just relax.
Now all of this isn’t to say that we don’t like you, are trying to purposely be douche bags, or ‘unsupportive’. But we are humans! We want people to Overstand that. We love and appreciate all of friends and family, but guess what?? WE come First…and we Don’t want you to take that personal!
She Speaks 
Anyone who disagreed with this post isn’t married with children and doesn’t place true value on that! Family first before all else. RSVP or no RSVP. Don’t through a party or plan a wedding if you can’t afford for a few folks not to show up!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I disagreed. I’m married with children. Sorry, but a poop explosion happens to all parents and is no reason to no-show to an event. How about if you can’t handle an unexpected bowel blowup, and you feel as though you must take shelter and not enter the world…then maybe DON’T become a parent? And if you can’t venture somewhere alone without your spouse hung to your leg, then how about re-evaluating your ability to be an independent adult who does adult things without needing a sidekick? It wasn’t the parenting part so many disagree with. It’s the attitude of being King and Queen of the Universe that this woman put forth in her incredibly tactless blog. Like this stuff happens to them and only them? PLEASE. Learn how to juggle things and learn to be an adult. Don’t WHINE about normal adult responsibilities and use them as excuses to keep your head up the butt of your spouse 24-7. Sounds like trust is lacking between this couple, and you’re playing it off like you’re just attached at the hip through love. Not buying it LMAO!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sheesh, you’ve missed the Entire point of this article, ALL of the follow-ups, and you sound extremely upset about my husband and I’s closeness. Well good thing is that a healthy marital connection isn’t anything you seem to have to worry about…clearly 😉. Please don’t try and minimize/criticize my marriage at the expense of making yourself feel better for not “getting” my article. I appreciate your input though. Good Day!
LikeLiked by 2 people
EW. You just missed this SO HARD. Nothing in this article had anything to do with whining, lack of trust, sheltering, or avoiding the real world. She said she’s going to do what she WANTS to do, FEELS like doing, and can HAPPILY AFFORD to do. And that that likely means if it’s an expected couple attendance and one can’t attend, neither will. She straight up said they have individual nights out sometimes, too. Sounds like a healthy, happy, supportive marriage and family to me! Why would you want someone to show up to something if they don’t 100% want to be there?
I have the strength, confidence, humor, and down right common sense to EXPECT to be told no to things. Life is not full of OBLIGATIONS it’s full of CHOICES and when someone invites you they’re asking a question which may be answered yes or no. If you can’t handle being told no, don’t ask. DjNDevin got this right, and I didn’t notice she was selling anything.
LikeLiked by 2 people
😉
LikeLike
Javajoy, I totally agree with you. I have a great marriage, but I read this thinking they were griping for about NORMAL ish, and yes, I also agree they were acting like queen and king of the universe. I bet this is more so the wife’s sentiments and not the husband’s. She sound like one of those chick’s that got married and felt like she achieved EVERYTHING life had to offer by becoming a wife… like she felt like she was nothing before… hence, the ‘we are the most important couple to exist’ attitude. I DO agree on the babysitting part, but most of it was a bit extreme. Learn how to juggle shit, and understand that other people’s time and feelings are important as well. They’ll change that elitist attitude ten years from now when they’re totally getting on each other’s nerves and need other couple friends who’ve written them off.
LikeLike
Long…Long Sigh. Thanks for your commentary. Have a Great Night! Sidebar. It would be nice if you shared something constructive under my posts as opposed to bitter, rude banter.
LikeLiked by 1 person
But these are the same people who don’t and won’t understand if you don’t attend one of there children’s birthday parties or skip out on an event they have…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shaming
LikeLike
Very rude and disrespectful. They should never RSVP.
LikeLike
While I can certainly appreciate honesty and would agree with this for the most part, theres one area I would disagree
It would be for major events in which theres a per head cost, that the host is covering. Here in NY where I live, a dinner for say a christening could easily be $60 per person, a wedding $150+ Unless I required medical attention or there was a serious emergency, such as a parent is in hospital etc than I will be at your event in which I RSVP’d to. It needs to be extreme circumstances for me to say I cant make it last minute to an event in which you have already paid for my plate. Not a stuffy nose and headache, bc I’m worn out from my 4 yr old, or bc my 1.5 year old pooped so much that it’s in his hair.
I totally understand the sense of being a team , but chances are if your hubby is sick the flu etc, than being at home isnt going to actually help him get any better than if you left him alone for a few hours I am glad that my husband and I have a similiar view on this, as he wasn’t offended a few months back when I went to a friend’s wedding without him, a couple days after he had surgery. He simply said, you staying here with me isnt going to make a difference in my healing.
Last year, my sister had my nephews communion at a restaurant and a family of four called a few hours before it saying they all couldnt go bc husband was feeling well. My sister found it rude that I she had to lay out about $175 bc her friends family was a no show when 3/4 could have still attended. I 100% agreed with her for being annoyed, given the circumstances
LikeLike
I rarely comment on blogs but I felt compelled after reading this entry.
All of my closest friends are married or married with children. As the single, childless friend, I have attended every engagement, wedding shower, wedding (as a bridesmaid), baby shower, baptism, and first birthday that has come my way because I love my friends and their families. When the children were newborns, I completely understood that my friends would not be leaving the house for some time. So guess what? I went to them. Baby talk conversation was always mixed with questions about how I was doing, as it continues to be. If my friends are late to events because their children need to be fed or put to bed or can’t attend in an emergency, again understood. Once the children were on a schedule, dinners and coffees to catch up soon followed suit. While not the priority, it showed me that our long-term friendship still meant something among the chaos of raising a family.
My friends have never made me feel like I don’t understand because I do not have children of my own. Because again guess what? We do know it is not just about you anymore. The problem is when the behaviour becomes habit.
I have had the same group of friends for nearly 20 years. If the friendships are important and worth retaining, they will adapt and grow with whatever life has to offer.
LikeLike
Very realistic and understable! Especially number 2 and 6 Lol! I’m married, with child, work full time and in crazy ass grad school. And it’s like sometimes I just want the phone stop ringing like stop asking me to go out when you know my hw is due on Sunday’s! Stop saying ever since I got married I don’t know nobody!! Well why don’t you do my homework then!!! Sheesh! However I do feel double sided to this as well. I’d like people to also keep in mind that there are people who don’t get invites from ANYONE cuz they have NO friends or family members they’re close to nor support to invite anyone to their events. I’ve seen couples and singles I’ve attended their events and only a few ppl showed up out of many with no gifts! So although we may become weary when we are being pulled and expected in several directions let’s not get to the point where we need to explain ourselves as if this isn’t part of life. No I did not miss the point of the article, but I have witnessed the same story from others and when those same busy ppl stop getting invited and see pics on social media, you get hit with “why didn’t I get invited?” Well because you posted a blog like this! Lol! Bottom everyone is busy to some degree and think this should be a two sided topic. I notice that you may not have intended on coming off a little snobbish but it kind of sounds like it in a way. I know my opinion doesn’t matter but it is a blog open for comments. I agree that yes I am busy and I don’t have the time I used to have when I was single and childless however don’t get too beside yourself that you feel you need to announce life’s regular endeavors that most people experience. If you can go you can’t go! Those who get mad about your unavailability will be just fine and will get over it. If not then they ain’t your friend. Lastly, no need to get so defensive with people disagreeing with your blog (maybe the rude ones) it’s just that there are some of us who knows how it feels to be excluded and lonely and praise God you guys never had to go through that single or together.
LikeLike
Thanks for your insight, and for visiting my blog!
LikeLike
My sentiments exactly. I’m also single with no children. I feel conflicted with this because my two friends are busy with children and relationships. I am understanding to how busy life gets as we age, but I feel anything worth maintaining long term has to be nurtured. That includes friendships. Not wishing bad on anyone, but there will come a time when you and hubby are distant or the children will begin to distance themselves from you (it’s natural). You don’t want to look up one day thinking “what do I have left?” Don’t forget about the people that were there before hubby and kids came along. Also, I get busy with things and I’m tired too, but I still make time for celebratory moments. I notice new parents discount the feelings of those without kids a lot. It’s rude and hurtful. A lot of her points are valid, but the tone of this article is off.
LikeLiked by 1 person
One of the realest posts I’ve seen!!! This is so true! My husband and I learned that we can’t satisfy everybody, regardless of how much we try. People are insensitive and need to understand we want us time, just a damn break…we’re tired and don’t feel like going. Furthermore, as you mentioned, only certain people can watch my girls…sorry! However, some people won’t get that and we just have tosay no, not going to make it. Hell, we don’t have to give an explanation just know we wanted to but couldn’t.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I just turned 40 and my son is 15 and if I still don’t feel like going somewhere, I won’t. I pick and choose which family events I want to attend and if that costs me future invites, then so be it. I always attend the events that I did RSVP for however what I am not cool with is family pressuring me months before an event telling me that I have to go. Well NO I don’t. The second messed up part about is that I am the only one who catches this grief. If someone else can’t go, they don’t have to deal with people calling, emailing and making them feel like crap. I’m so over it. Nobody pays my bills, etc. so I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why I do not want to be somewhere. Most of my cousins are 5 years or more younger than I so they are still doing their thing at the bars, drinking excessively, etc. and I’m sorry but that is not something that I want my son to see all the time. His dad and I don’t drink, maybe a glass of wine depending on where we are but other than that, no. I did my thing between 18-23 and that was enough for me. I love my family but this is the year that I guess I will be pissing people off. The next event is no kids which includes my almost 16 year old son. I can’t wrap my head around that one so if he can’t be my plus one if his dad doesn’t want to go, then I will stay home. I said I would go to the bridal shower so that’s already one gift right smack in the middle of one of the most expense filled months of the year but that’s ok right? The wedding is two months later when that budgeted $ is spent towards school clothes, etc. Sorry, I’m venting lol but I couldn’t help but agree with your reply.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I posted this last year and it just came up in my history and I had to read it again. It’s so, so true and something I would like to keep on hand for every person that gets huffy because we can’t….or honestly just don’t want to make it to something after a long week of work, sick kids, headaches, etc. Thank you for this very honest look at life as an adult!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The tone of this article makes it difficult to enjoy. No need to be rude or condescending. I just think you should show a fair of amount of consideration for the people that you are asking to be considerate of you. It’s not all what you said, it’s how you said it.
LikeLike
You sound so dramatic. I can’t believe I wasted my time reading this BS – I feel obligated to waste your time with my opinion, that is if you’re not too tired, too broke or too busy complaining about the life you choose to read it.
Life is about balance and I understand prioritizing your family is important but what the hell you going to do when your children are grown and you have NO friends ??lol.
It honestly sounds like you’re not that great of a friend to begin with and you’re coming up with all these excuses on your laziness to balance your life with friends. You also sound controlling and smothering. The type of mother that will have children to rejoice with two seconds of freedom.
Seriously, people make time for what they want to make time for and if you can spend time on a blog you can spend time with friends. I thought this article would give some insight, instead it sounds like an angry woman with no real advice. You should’ve just titled this blog “I have no time for friends because I simply don’t care to make time. Memoirs of the future angry, lonely woman”
LikeLike
I’m a SINGLE parent in a city where I only have one baby-sitter and no family support. I’m an attorney and my work-life balance is extremely hectic. With all of that said, I don’t agree with the majority of this post. Friendship means sacrifice. Although I’m often exhausted, I still make time to attend my friends’ events and special moments in their lives because that’s what friendship is about. Sometimes I may be a little late and sometimes attending may be a pain but I make it happen. Typically I take my daughter to these events with me if they’re kid friendly. If not, I ask my babysitter and if the event is important enough, I’ll even drive my daughter two states over so my mom can watch her. Of course there are events I must miss because I don’t have a sitter but that’s understandable. The author of this post came across in a very pretentious and self-important manner. It’s no surprise that she rubbed a few people the wrong way.
LikeLike
If this how you feel, that’s fine, but then you shouldn’t RSVP with a positive response for things like weddings and other formal functions if you are likely to skip the event. I think it’s incredibly rude to have people pay for you to attend a reception or party that you really don’t plan to attend.
LikeLike
You have to have a social life? I’ve already seen people treat me like a stranger simply because they don’t see me as much and that hurts the friendship. Also, we’re and since we’re adults we should be outgoing and social and act like we’re in high school. I get the fact that sickness, being tired, and kids can make a social life complicated but you should try to be outgoing when you genuinely can. My parents had my sister and I and they still went out and did things. And not really going when you genuinely can can hurt your social as well as hurt the friendships you have around you. Like I’ve said before, I’ve already seen myself be treated as a stranger because I don’t see my married or dating friends as often.
LikeLike
Your reasons for attending are fine ( I have children as well) but RSVP’ing causes the hosts to pay for a guest(s). Then when you do not show up that’s wasted money that people never seem to return with their apology for not attending!
Additionally, you are always going to be tired (parents life) and you will have many more events you just don’t want to attend! It’s okay to be upfront and honest from the beginning and say, “We don’t want to attend!” I would rather have an honest friend than an article writing one! I gather this was written because your friends may have approached you about your constant “no shows”!!!!!
Life happens for everyone and it will always go on!!! Just make sure you don’t miss out on every special friend moment, because you can’t get them back and soon your friends may not be around!
LikeLike
Are you the same type of “mom” who calls people who don’t want kids selfish? I certainly hope not! But if so, here’s 6 reasons I’m not coming to your kids celebration.
1) I will not attend your child’s first, second, or even third birthday party. Throwing elaborate birthdays before the age of 5-10 are pointless. Selfish actually. Your children won’t remember a thing other then when you show them photos of it in their teens. I’m not wasting an afternoon celebrating someone who won’t even remember I was there.
2) I will not attend you child’s graduation from preschool or kindergarten. This is not an accomplishment. It does not deserve my time or attention to celebrate. Your child didn’t split the atom. Your child didn’t cure cancer. He/she learned ABCs and how to play nice during recess. Congrats. Your child is human being.
3) I will not attend your child’s religious celebration. I am not religious and outside of your religion, this “milestone” means nothing to anyone. I’m certainly not going to waste my day/night to honor something I don’t understand or agree with.
3) I will not voluntarily attend your child’s party only to subject myself to a dozen other screaming children (and their parents) whom I don’t know. Just because I don’t want or have kids, doesn’t mean I don’t like them, just in moderation. And I certainly don’t want 15 kids yelling and screaming and playing while I’m trying to enjoy myself.
4) I will not attend your child’s party because I do not want to be overwhelmed by your new friends telling me what a mistake I’m making not having kids and that I’ll regret it someday, yada yada yada. I’m glad they all think they know me better than I do.
6) I will not attend your child’s party because LIFE. Maybe my wife and I decided to take a trip because we saw a great deal on airfare and made an impulsive decision (not having kids allows you to do that). Maybe I had a headache and didn’t want a dozen screaming kids making it worse.
Now all of this isn’t to say that we don’t like you, or your child, and are trying to purposely be douche bags, or stand offish because of our lifestyle choice. But we are humans! I want people to overstand that. We love and appreciate all of our friends and their kids, but guess what?? I come first…so don’t YOU to take that personal.
LikeLike